The Astronaut's Wife
New Line Cinema, 1999

If you feel that all is much to familiar to you, that is because the film is made with scissors (not with Depp's Edward Scissorhands), although necrophilia is a word that comes to mind. American astronauts in orbital mission are having problems but are safely brought back to Earth. But something evil lurks inside them. Or maybe not? As it happens, you don't have to wait even to the second quarter to be sure.

In the movie world, where there is an everlasting need for ideas, last few years (or was that decades ;) lazy, non-inventive or just pure money-greedy producers, writers and directors, having none of their own ideas (or not succeeding to sell their own) are just using what made film art great in the past decades. Those with some dignity are just taking up old ones and making new version / remake. Others are just ripping old movies trying to cover their tracks with fancy-shmancy set-ups and red herrings.

So you take two fullspoons of Rosemary's Baby, mix one spoon of Devil's Advocate in the shape of the main female character, then add some "Aliens from outer space have nothing better to do so they come to Earth for no obvious reason whatsoever", and season it all with slow motion--for those viewers who do not have an inkling that some particular scene is tense (who said dense?), gro-plans of body parts--mouths preferably and gro-plans of house utensils, disregard some basic physic facts (when you drop plugged electrical home utensil in water your circuit breaker pops and break the circuit - as it's name says ;) some "sexy" scenes (is there any other reasons to have females in the picture?), some worn clichés (Joe Morton as NASA official, who loses his job for trying to uncover the Coming--and btw, why does he not go and sell his story, together with the evidence (sic!) he has to the "I was raped by Aliens from outer space" tabloids and get some big money, but instead moves to the sleazy hotel, try to warn Charlize, and then peacefully goes with "the Thing" and get killed?), and there you have it--Rand Ravich's first time as a director, and he can't blame it on the writer ;)

Johnny Depp would've done better if he kept his glasses from the beginning when he is not easily recognized, and then ask for his name to be taken out of credits. His acting is not bad, but it certainly is not above the standard, and then not his standard at that. It seems that after Donny Brassco, Depp had some other fish to fry and had lost his interest in the acting other then hamming. Charlize Theron is replaying her role from Devil's Advocate--where you could at least watch her without much annoyance--she is just changing husbands from bad to worst. If the director has not put her in so many slow motions and close-ups, her role would be just fine.

If you have nothing better to do and want to kill some time, then go for a walk.

On the scale of 0 to 4 grapes, this movie gets 1 grape and two stems.